Affectum Separate
by Bobo's Donuts
Summary: A time travel oneshot. Harry's a little spaced out when he meets his parents ... R&R!


**Title: Affectum Separate  
>Summary: A time travel parody-ish oneshot. Harry's a little spaced out when he finally meets his parents ...<br>Rating: T  
>Length: 1'950 words<br>A/N: So ... I absolutely adore Harry Potter Marauder era time travel fics, but I've always been unsure as to the most realistic way one would react when meeting their long-dead parents, etc. So, I wrote this on a sugar-high, and I've decided to post it. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

**Enjoy :) **

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><p>The Hospital Wing was not quite silent. In a bed at the very end of the room a first year with concussion was sniffling; and in the office of Madam Pomfrey a steady snoring could be heard.<p>

Other than that, though, the Hospital Wing was _mostly _silent.

The only beds occupied were the one housing the first year with concussion, one housing a fourth year Hufflepuff who'd grown horns and a mysterious, enigmatic bed in the middle of the room.

This bed had someone lying in it. And that person was a boy. His name … _Merlin_.

Wait, wrong fandom.

His name was _actually _Harry Potter. Whoops.

Harry Potter as in: The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, future Master of Death and the only person to date who's managed to almost been killed over a dozen times before his seventeenth birthday. Except maybe Alex Rider. Or, perhaps … _Merlin_.

However, moving swiftly on …

Harry wasn't really asleep. He was lying in his bed, his eyes closed, his breathing deep and slow, and his heart rate right down. But he wasn't asleep. Just like he wasn't actually born yet. Technically. You see, Harry was, among other things, a time traveller.

Six hours ago Harry had been in 1996, fighting for his life (_again) _against Death Eaters that had infiltrated Hogwarts and murdered his Head Master and mentor, Albus Dumbledore. He'd been angry and upset and when he'd been hit with a yellow spell he didn't recognise, he'd thought nothing of it. Until, that is, he'd started to disappear and had reappeared fifty feet in the air above the Black Lake of the very same Hogwarts twenty years exactly in the past.

And now he was lying in the Hospital Wing, absolutely wide awake, dreaming about nothing in particular.

Had Harry been awake (not that he was asleep) he might have spotted the slight shift in air at the doors of the hospital wing as four people stumbled in under an Invisibility Cloak – James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Lily Evans, sixteen years old and completely alive and sane, for once.

He may have heard the harsh whisper of Lily at Sirius after he stepped on her foot, or the soft thump as Remus' side bumped painfully into a bed frame.

Regardless, when they finally reached his bed, threw off the Invisibility Cloak and began to inspect the livid bruise on his cheek he definitely realised something was up. He lay completely still and listened to their conversation.

"I wonder how he got this," Remus speculated.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe from falling into the Black Lake?" Sirius' voice was practically dripping with sarcasm.

"He looks so tired," Lily murmured sympathetically.

"Absolutely," James agreed readily.

"Oh, shut up Potter. I didn't even want to come down here – and I _wouldn__'__t _have, unless you lot cornered me in the Common Room."

"Cornered is such a harsh word, Evans," Sirius said. "I prefer … no, you're right. Cornered sounds pretty accurate."

A shove could clearly be heard, along with an _oomph_ as Sirius collided with a bed.

Harry decided to make his debut, stretching and opening his eyes. He smirked at the caught-out looks on the others' faces.

"Sorry, did we just wake you?" Remus apologised awkwardly.

"That you did." Harry said amicably.

There was an almost silence punctured only by the sniffles of the first year as the teenagers stared at each other.

"Well, I'm James Potter," James said eventually, "and this is Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. And this lovely lady is –"

"Lily Evans," Lily interrupted, holding out her hand for Harry to shake. He did so amusedly.

"I'm Harry." He said. They waited. Harry suddenly remembered his cover story. "Er … Harry Dudley." Lily looked a little perplexed, and Sirius and James frowned in sudden suspicion.

"So where do you come from Harry?" Lily asked.

"Switzerland," Harry said without hesitation. He had the sudden insane urge to laugh, and he thanked his lucky stars that he had been administered an _affectum __separate_ potion earlier – a potion that dimmed his more extreme emotions. He could only imagine what a blubbering mess he would be if he was meeting his parents for the first time, his DADA professor and his dead godfather as teenagers with his full emotions in check.

Meanwhile Lily had frowned at his prompt reply. Harry felt the need to elaborate. "Well, I was born here and my parents lived here, but when they died I was sent to live with my great aunt Muriel in Switzerland."

"Oh, that's –" Remus began, but Harry wasn't finished.

"Unfortunately, Muriel got into a bit of trouble a few days ago and it was decided that I should come back to England to get away from her rather eccentric issues. I got accepted to Hogwarts, but just before the Portkey I was taking here started, my pet cockroach Peter was eaten by my neighbours' Hippogriff Buckbeak, who then regurgitated Peter onto my head and I let go of the Portkey."

It was a very longwinded explanation, and the Marauders and Lily were starting to look a bit flummoxed.

"HOWEVER," they all jumped, "The Portkey was a stick of gum which, obviously, stuck to me instead of just being let go of. So I was flailing around with Peter guts in my hair and this stick of gum Portkey just about to activate, in fact I think I'd even started to disappear, when Buckbeak decided he was STILL hungry," Harry took a big breath and then kept talking, "so he tried to eat the gum which I was still waving around everywhere trying to get off. And he ate around one sixtieth of the gum so I only came fifty-nine sixtieths of the way to Hogwarts when the Portkey FINALLY activated. Which is why I fell out of the air like that." Harry looked at them expectantly, and they all just stared back.

"That's fascinating." Sirius said eventually.

Harry nodded enthusiastically. "I thought so, too."

There was a bit of an awkward pause.

"So Hogwarts, eh?" Harry said, looking around the Hospital Wing and feigning interest. "It's pretty cool. Not that I've really seen all that much of it yet."

"Well it's certainly –" Lily began.

Harry cut her off. "Of course I'm TOLD there's a Whomping Willow on the grounds which sounds _really_exciting. I wonder why they planted such a dangerous plant in the school, though." He paused and looked expectantly at the Marauders. True to form, they glanced at each other and shifted around apprehensively for a few seconds.

Harry tapped his chin. "I did have a friend once who was a werewolf, and he said that Whomping Willows were a great way to conceal and protect a sort of area for transformations, so maybe there's a werewolf at Hogwarts. I sure hope so – it would make it so much more interesting."

The Marauders' eyes were practically popping out of their faces. "That's a very outlandish suggestion," Lily scoffed, unaware of her companions' shock or their reason for it. "I doubt Dumbledore would plant a dangerous plant on the grounds so that once a month a dangerous creature could hide in it. You can't fight fire with fire, as the muggles say."

Harry looked at her pensively for a second. "First of all, that saying's a little out of context with the current argument," he said, and Lily frowned, "and second of all, I'm interested to hear your opinion on werewolves. I notice you said they're dangerous creatures –"

James' face fell.

"Oh, I don't mean that at all!" Lily interrupted.

James' face rose.

"I don't believe that the humans afflicted with lycanthropy are dangerous at all – just that once a month they turn into werewolves, and even the most extreme werewolf rights activists can't argue that the creatures themselves aren't dangerous." She said passionately.

Harry grinned. "Fantastic! I love your work! In Switzerland, which is where I used to live as I think I mentioned, I knew this werewolf whose friends became illegal unregistered animagi to help out with the transformations. Wasn't that a nice thing to do? Of course one of them turned out to be a treacherous rat who would sooner betray his friends to save his own life than stand for honour and justice, but you can't have everything.

"Actually I suppose you _can_have everything, can't you? Some people certainly want to have everything. One very relevant example of this is Voldemort – he wants to have everything, really, doesn't he? That's what I think. What with the whole "conquering death" obsession, I think he's just a little lonely. But of course he still wants everything, the greedy bastard. I mean honestly … oh, I'm rambling. I don't think this potion is very good for my people skills, to be honest. Maybe I won't take it next week, but unfortunately it sticks around 'till then. Oh dear, am I still talking? I think I am. I'll stop now.

"Er …" James said.

"What potion do you mean?" Remus asked, ever the only one to actually pay attention. Harry looked at him and cocked his head to the side, obviously thinking.

After a moment he said, "It's a potion Dumbledore got me. Supposed to dim my emotions or something like that; and I'm afraid it makes me ever so slightly cuckoo. I mean, it's like any apprehension I'd normally have of making a wrong impression by talking too much or saying the wrong this is completely erased. Cool, huh?"

"But why would you need a potion like that?" Lily asked, frowning.

"Well, I think it probably has something to do with my tragic past and haunting secrets, to be honest." Harry replied, scratching his head. He laughed at the dubious expressions on their faces. "Kidding! I'm a completely ordinary boy with a completely ordinary life." He coughed. "So anyway … it's wonderful to meet you and all, but I really should be going to sleep now. Big day tomorrow and all, eh?"

"Why is it a big day tomorrow?" Sirius asked, torn between grinning and backing away – _slo-o-owly_.

Harry shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I just have a feeling. Maybe I'll take Divination this year. I certainly know my fair share of the future." He seemed to find this statement hilarious.

"Well, that's great and all, Harry –" Lily started.

"Oh please, call me Jim." Harry interrupted, grinning. Then he paused, looking perplexed. "I don't know why I said that," he murmured to himself. Then he grinned enormously again and looked at the kids in front of him, who were still standing there looking lost. "Well, it was fantastic to meet you. Drop by any time!"

Then he threw his arms up, and fell backwards with a _pff_ onto his bed. He was snoring in seconds.


End file.
